


Ignition.

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-11
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-25 03:52:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/634831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Fili and Kili grew, they took separate paths, and grew into different people, people who are now little more than strangers to each other. It would take a miracle to bring them back together - or maybe just a spark?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, this fic was inspired by two main things: first off, as much as I love reading fics were Fili and Kili are inseparable, always have been, often when there's a greater age difference between siblings, that doesn't quite happen. Plus, with Fili being the direct heir to the throne, he would have been paid more attention, and it just made sense to me that they wouldn't necessarily have been quite as close as portrayed in many fics - yet them being close is good yes i like that good yes. So this story will focus on their journey together, starting with the trek to The Shire, and will show how they were able to rekindle the love they once shared for each other as children. 
> 
> Also, just a little note, I get a lot of my medieval-ish knowledge from Game of Thrones, so a lot of equipment, weapons, etc., will be stuff referenced in Game of Thrones. So yes. Hope you enjoy it (:

The times were rare when people would quite comprehend just how difficult it was to be the very youngest. Although perhaps Kili was used to being just that, simply ‘being used to it’ didn’t at all mean he enjoyed it – hell, he could barely tolerate it, but he did, purely out of duty. He was the youngest son, the last heir, and now, the youngest in the company. He had grown up being talked down to – even when he surpassed the adults in his life in height. He was constantly treated as if one needed more patience and kindness than others due to his youth, because his youth obviously meant immaturity – which gave Kili the uncomfortable sensation that everyone around him was being incredibly condescending. Although perhaps it was true that Kili had a more playful and charismatic sort of ambiance to him, he was, by no means, shallow or childish. His smile came quicker than Fili’s, but Fili had always been the more extroverted of the two, despite Kili’s quick temper. He was the one who would step forwards to speak for the two of them if needed. He had acted as diplomat for ears between Kili and Thorin, when Kili’s bottled up anger would explode in a cacophony of cruelty and derision. Thorin would roar at his little nephew about duty and maturity and respect, and it was always up to Fili to console his shaking brother, and defend his actions to his ever-infuriated uncle. Kili’s easy smile and laugh hid a pensive, observant nature that saw much, but said little of it, until the pressure broke him, and he couldn’t hold his emotions in anymore. 

The differences and distance in age pushed them apart as they grew up. As youngsters, Fili had always included Kili in his games, looking out for his little brother, forever his sword and shield. Even when Kili’s temper would flare, and he would yell at Fili for being too bossy (which he often was,) Fili would simply console his brother until he stopped yelling, and then would try to play the game that Kili wanted. But seven years was a sizable gap, and soon Fili grew tired and frustrated by his younger brother’s childish behaviour, and it was Fili’s time to learn the sword and the axe, to learn the history of his race, and Khuzdul, not just the Common Tongue. It became clearer that each day, Fili crept slowly closer to the day he would sit the throne, as the heir to the line of Durin. Fili and Kili therefore grew apart, and years flew by swiftly, eroding the bond they once shared as children. Their love for each other became a given, slowly turning from the fires of a true sibling love, to the simple embers of a family duty – they loved each other because it was expected. They hardly even knew each other anymore. 

To Fili, this all seemed inevitable. He was busy – busy with far more important things than his little brother’s mood swings and pranks. He began to go for days without speaking to Kili, and Kili slowly became secondary to, well, everything. Fili was a prince who would one day be a king, and he had hundreds, if not thousands, of dwarves who would also one day depend on his cunning and his ability to lead, and one needy, scrawny boy seemed far less important than the fate of a kingdom. Fili’s love turned away from Kili, and found a place in books, metalwork, to his sword and his shield – what he had once thought himself to be to his brother. To Kili, however, the chasm that had opened between himself and Fili was less of the simple natural progression that Fili saw, and more of an absolute loss. All Kili ever heard about was Fili’s accomplishments – look how he had taken down a bear out hunting today! Look how long his bloody hair’s grown! And allways – What a good king he’ll make!

Kili grew to resent the attention, but he knew to never let this manifest externally. He learned the art of the easy smile, and mastered the sword and bow, with twice the speed of his brother. He could read and write in Khuzdul, just like Fili, and he learned the history of his people from the Dwarven elders. Everything his brother had done, Kili did too, with more precision, and his natural aptitude made him quicker on the uptake. And yet it always seemed to be Fili who was the one to earn the praise; Kili’’s progress was secondary, asit was likely he’d never sit the throne. Fili and Kili grew further and further apart due to this minor fact, and, as a result, Kili grew more and more alone. 

“Kili. A word.” Kili could judge from Thorin’s crisp tone that he wanted many words, and soon. Without hesitation, Kili set down his quill, and stood to follow his uncle through the corridors of the fortress in the Blue Mountains, away from Kili’s modest chambers, to Thorin’s more spacious solar. Thorin walked first, his steps broad and strong, his posture rigid, and his chin tilted up proudly. Those in the halls stepped aside respectfully to give him his space as he moved. Kili darted behind him with quick and agile steps, slipping through the crowd as the gaps closed behind Thorin. The door to Thorin’s solar swung open at a push of Thorin’s palm, and Kili followed his Uncle inside, shutting the door quietly behind him. “Sit.” Thorin said gruffly. Kili did as he was told, finding an elaborately carved wooden seat near a tapestry and a side table. “How have your studies been progressing?”

The question caught Kili off-guard. Thorin rarely inquired into such unimportant matters. “Well, thank you, Your Grace. I’ve been recording many of the aural histories of our people.” Thorin nodded, but showed no more approval than that. 

“And your swordsmanship?” 

“Well, as well, Your Grace. Though I am not the warrior that Fili is.” Kili glanced down for a moment, his fingers finding a aspare thread on his tunic with which to distract himself. 

“That is true,” Thorin said after a moment. Kili’s fingers twitched and the string pulled free. “You’re twice the warrior your brother is. Your brother is a good soldier, but not a warrior. Not like you, Kili.”

Kili felt his stomach drop, out of pure confusion – was this some sort of trick? What was the catch? Kili looked up, brows furrowed and lips parted, his dark eyes meeting the strong gaze of his uncle. “I’m… not sure I understand, Your Grace. Fili is trained to be the next king, and-“

“And kings are chosen by lineage, not by skill.” Thorin spoke evenly, his expression not giving away his thoughts the way Kili’s was. “your brother would, and will, make a good king. But he is not yo. He will be what is needed in the future, and you are what is needed now. A fighter.” 

“Needed?” Kili inquired, trying to piece Thorin’s words together. “What am I needed for?” 

“We cannot stay in The Blue Mountains for much longer,” Thorin started, “Our people grow restless. We are a kingdom, not a village.” 

“You wish to take back Erebor,” Kili exclaimed breathlessly, his eyes widening with realization. 

“You were always the more perceptive one,” Thorin said, the excitement of possibility fueling his words. “I wish you to come with me. Give me your sword and yor bow, your sharp eyes and sharp mind, and I will give you a glorious victory and the splendor of Erebor.” 

“What about Fili?” Kili asked quickly, and his uncle seemed to stall for a moment. 

“Fili?” Naturally, he shall come with, as heir to the throne. Perhaps he can learn a thing or two from you.” Thorin said with a wry smile. Kili’s returning smile was tense. 

“When do we set out?” Kili asked, already feeling a nervous excitement clutch at his throat. 

“You and your brother will prepare to take the main road on the morrow, and I shall be taking the western road on a detour, as I have other business to attend to.” 

“Who else joins our quest?” 

“So far…” Thorin paused for a split second. The moment of thought made a twinge of doubt bite Kili’s heart. “Balin, Dwalin… Bofur and Bifor and Bombur… Ori, Nori, Doir… and Oin and Gloin.” 

“Thirteen of us… Against a dragon.” Kili said numbly. The excitement was wearing thin. 

“Thirteen, with Gandalf the Gray at our side, and he has promised us our fourteenth member – whose home is our first destination.” Thorin’s absolute confidence boosted Kili’s own, and he found himself nodding, despite his fears. “You’re a courageous lad,” Thorin said proudly, “You and Fili were both born lion-hearted. I cannot think to succeed unless you are in this whole-heartedly, Kili.” 

Kili’s eyes once more found Thorin’s. There was a resolution there, and something Kili was not used to seeing. Trust. Need. Finally, Kili was important. “I an with you, Your Grace,” Kili said, his back straightening with a new-found resolve. “I assume you’ve already told Fili?” 

“Mhm.” Thorin nodded, “The two of you shall depart alone.” Kili nodded silently, thinking suddenly of how he hadn’t spoken to Fili in a week or so, and even then their conversation had been little more than small talk. “I suggest you prepare your belongings before supper.” Thorin spoke purposefully, and Kili stood, noticing that his fingers were trembling ever so slightly. 

“Yes, Your Grace,” Kili’s voice was ever so slightly weaker than his usual full tone, and Thorin’s lips twitched as he noted the difference. 

“You are afraid,” It wasn’t a question. Kili’s eyes dropped in shame – Fili would never be afraid. “It is wise to have fear, Kili. We are facing dire odds. But, in the end, it will be down to the courage of our hearts to decide our fates. And courage means holding your sword high, though your hands may shake. 

When Kili returned to his room, he stumbled when he found Fili inside, looking through a drawer in Kili’s dresser that held odds and ends that Kili had no other place for. Fili’s lighter brows were angled down, and his hunched stance made him look small and childlike once more, although he had always been a giant to Kili when he was barely tall enough to reach Fili’s elbow. “Are you in need of something, Fili?” Kili asked with ease, stepping inside but leaving the door slightly ajar. Fili glanced over his shoulder when Kili spoke, giving his brother a fond smile. 

“I was looking for this, actually.” Fili held up a small, square piece of silver, that caught the light as it danced in Fili’s fingers. “I want you to wear it for the journey.” 

“You made that for me… I was still a child then.” Kili stepped forwards, holding out his palm for the small hair clasp that Fili held. 

“You had no hair to hold back,” Fili said with a laugh, and he clasped Kili’s shoulder as he moved past him towards the door. “Nowadays, you could do with some braids, or, at least a clip to keep the worst of it out of your eyes. Fili’s hand found the door handle, whilst Kili’s eyes never moved from the clip. 

“Why do you want me to wear it?” Kili asked, straining to keep his voice even. 

“Don’t want your hair distracting you in battle, Kili.” Fili said with casualty. 

“Wha’ts the real reason?” Kili looked up, just in time to see the flash of sadness in Fili’s eyes. 

“Because we’re brothers,” The silence that succeeded Fili’s words was a painful, dead scream. “And I think you forget that sometimes.”

“I forget? You-“ Kili’s eyes flashed with anger, and he made to move towards Fili, before Fili’s voice cut him off. 

“We forget,” Fili corrected himself, if only to quiet Kili. “Don’t forget an extra sword belt. You always do, then you whine about not having it when your regular one digs into your sides.” Fili slipped through the door, with a small smile, and it clicked shut behind him. Kili was left standing on his own, the small, seemingly insignificant hair clip still laying in the palm of his hand.

Kili looked back down at it for a moment, before moving to the small looking glass in the back corner of his room. He brushed his fingers through his long, dark hair, and pulled back the foremost pieces of hair, the bare minimum, and clipped them behind his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any mistakes (this chapter and last and all future) since I'm copying everything out of a notebook, since it was all handwritten. So if there are mistakes, please forgive me! Also I'm terrible at dialogue, I'm sorry. 
> 
> Yes, they're both supposed to be annoying in this chapter. That's the point. Also Kili ended up a tad Scarlett O'Hara for parts of this chapter... I'm not sure if I should roll with it or cut that out...

The moon was still visible when Fili and Kili rode away from The Blue Mountains, and the first morning birds were just beginning to stir. They had three ponies between them: one for each dwarf, and one for their supplies. Kili wasn’t entirely sure if he had slept the night previous; he had laid awake for hours, scenarios of both glorious victory and stunning defeat playing in his mind again and again, until a knock on the door had started him back into reality. Next to him, Fili rode in silence, his gaze on the horizon ahead, whilst Kili’s eyes darted restlessly around, settling for a moment or two on something, but, with time, his gaze would find its way back to his brother again. He hadn’t really noticed quite how much Fili had grown up – he was a real dwarf now, not the blond-haired child with bright blue eyes who darted in and out of crowds at hip-height. There was a regal air to the tilt of Fili’s chin and the furrow of his brow. Fili used to have one simple braid down the back of his neck – Kili used to match him, too. It had been at least fifty years since they had done that. Now, Fili’s mane and beard were woven intricately, and Kili’s hair hung loosely around his shoulders, a secondary concern to Kili’s studies and training. The clip was a new adornment, and, Kili had to admit, it was practical. 

“Are we going to pass this entire journey in silence?” Kili started at the sound of Fii’s voice, and, when his eyes refocused, he realized that they hadn’t left Fili’s direction for a good few minutes. “Or are you going to stop brooding and talk to your big brother?” Fili’s good-natured tone felt warmly familiar, and Kili half-grinned despite himself. 

“I wasn’t frowning, I was simply being pensive and contemplative,” Kili said, with a faux-pretentious sniff. Despite their distance, when they actually were together, it was often as if little time had passed between them, as if they were actually as close as they wished and pretended to be – at least, as close as Kili wished to be to Fili. As for Fili, it was impossible for Kili to tell what he wanted. His expressions were an unmarked map to Kili – rich, and full of contrast and intricacy, but with no established meaning to one point or another. Kili couldn’t read Fili. He was less extreme about his moods, too; Kili could go from wildfire rage to being doubled over in mirth in a matter of seconds, whereas Fili always seemed to fall somewhere in the middle of the extrema. Even now, Kili’s playful smirk was visible, but not yet pronounced, as if he was holding back. 

“I’m sure that look makes all the maidens swoon, doesn’t it?” Fili said with a soft chuckle, “Kili, the sensitive little princeling.” Although his tone was somewhat mocking, there was nothing remotely cruel about it, and Kili felt the lonesome days evaporating, forgotten under the ray of his brother’s fond gaze. 

“You know as well as I that I’m not sensitive,” Kili said haughtily, as if insulted by the comment Fili had just made. He almost missed the quick-disbelieving quirk of his brother’s eyebrows. “Either way,” Kili said with a slight frown, “I’m far too busy to pay much attention to ‘maidens’.” 

“Oh, come, now,” Fili said, a lop-sided grin starting, “That’s not what I’ve heard. What about that… What was it, Valhalla?” 

“Yes, Valhalla,” Kili’s expression instantly dropped to alarm, and he eyed his brother with guarded suspicion. “How did you know about her?” Kili was less than proud of the very secretive, and somewhat uninteresting affair he had briefly had with a young dwarven maiden. To Kili, the affair had been little more than a diversion from every-day life, and, no matter how lonely he often felt, the second Valhalla had wanted more than what Kili had already offered, Kili ran, attempting to pretend that nothing had ever happened between them. 

“I’m your brother, I know about these sorts of things,” Fili flashed Kili a quick wink, and Kili’s scowl rolled onto his features like a thundercloud. 

“We tried not to let anyone find out,” Kili said darkly, his good mood gone in a split-second, replaced by a hundred racing thoughts, over something rather trivial. “Well, I tried. She didn’t really care.” 

“You may have tried, little one, but yet, here we are, and I know more about it than you intended.” Fili’s smirk was returning,which, at the present moment, only further frustrated Kili. “So, what can we conclude from that?” 

“That you’re nosy and abominable?” Kii muttered. His annoyance only seemed to further amuse Fili. 

“That I’m always right, and omniscient, bordering on godly,” Fili grinned, and Kili looked at him in disgust. He fully understood that this was supposed to be a joke, but it wasn’t funny. “And you should do whatever I say,” 

“I’m not a child anymore,” Kili spat, “Stop treating me as such,” 

“Says the one getting in a huff over a joke,” Fili’s apparent amusement didn’t seem to subside, and Kili began to think that perhaps he had been lucky in his distanced relationship with his brother. 

“I don’t know why you’re acting like such an ass, maybe you always have, but I’ve never seen this side of you,” Kili’s temper had flared up, and, Kili could tell from Fili’s expression that Fili knew that he had done something to cause it. “But this journey will last a few weeks,” Kili continued, “and I have no intention of spending it with someone who’s… Acting like such an arrogant… Ugh.” Kili trailed off, not entirely sure of the best insult to use. He had never been very good at being mean to people. 

Fili looked taken aback and utterly confused. And it was his confusion that struck Kili all of a sudden. It was written plainly upon Fili’s features – in the curve of his brown, and in the creases of his eyes. It was a look that Kili didn’t really know at all. And, all of a sudden, Kili’s eyes traced all the contours of Fili’s face, and he saw nothing he recognized. Fili’s basic structure was well known, but the details had changed. It was like returning to a childhood home, only to find it inhabited by a new family who had no knowledge of who that home had belonged to previously, and what it had meant to them. That’s when the stomach-wrenching realization hit Kili. 

He didn’t know Fili, and Fili didn’t know him either. Life had shaped them, and time had chiseled away at the rough edges, until they were hewn into the two dwarves that they were today, utterly unfamiliar in the most familiar way. 

“I don’t understand and won’t pretend to understand just why you’re so upset,” Fili’s voice split through Kili’s thoughts, “But I agree that this is a long journey, and it’s in our best interest to get along.”

Get along. The phrase felt vile as it bounced around Kili’s mind. They were blood, they should do more than ‘get along.’ This wasn’t the young, brave boy that Kili remembered. This was the responsible diplomatic king speaking – his brother’s voice had been muted. And, in that moment, Kili resolved to hear it – really hear it – again, no matter what.

Kili simply nodded in response. 

They barely spoke to each other until they made camp that night, other than a few exchanges about how far they had gone, or about which road to take. When they finally took their ponies off the main road to find shelter for the night, the uncomfortable, furtive glances between them had become so common that their eyes would catch every few seconds, and they would look away instantly as if burned, Kili scowling,and Fili looking both disgruntled and puzzled. 

“How much food did we pack?” Fili spoke as if there was no rift between them, and Kili felt his throat turn dry.

“Enough for five day’s travel. We’ll hunt after that, but we should eat what we have before it spoils or goes stale.” Kili’s tone was civil, more so than he had expected from himself. 

“Can you fetch the food, then? I’ll start on a fire,” Fili directed them as just as he used to in their childhood games. Although it was nice to know that some things never changed, it still annoyed Kili. 

“Fine,” Kili said, finishing tethering his pony to a nearby tree before striding over to their third pony to fetch the food. 

“So, uh,” From Fili’s tone, Kili could tell that he was searching for something to talk about; Fili’s mind was both as full and as empty as Kili’s at the moment, it seemed. 

“Hm.” Kili opened one of the bags without looking at Fili, and proceeded to grab handfuls of whatever food was on the top. 

“What did happen with you and Valhalla? You seemed… Irritated about it.” Kili had to give Fili due credit for his gentle tone. 

Kili turned back around to face Fili, who was struggling to start the fire he had said he would. Kili sighed, and made his way over to Fili, his hands laden with food. “We’ll deal with the fire later. Eat first.” Fili grudgingly put away his flint, and took his share of food from Kili. There was a moment of pause as Fili began to eat, and Fili’s question cascaded around Kili’s mind. “She wanted love when the most I could offer was a distanced affection,” Kili said slowly, watching the ground rather than his brother, “It was not fair to her, I do admit, but there was little else I could do.” 

Fili remained silent for a long moment, his attentions seemingly fixated upon his food. “I see.” Was all he said for the moment, and the succeeding silence was worse than the horse ride, worse than the days, perhaps even one could say years, spent apart. 

Kili lowered himself to sit net to Fili, picking at his own food with little interest. The silence was creeping down Kili’s throat, turning his food stale and dry in his mouth, to the point where it was painful to swallow.

“Why don’t you braid your hair?” The simple question and the pure curiosity in Fili’s tone brought a smile to Kili’s lips. It was obvious that Fili wanted Kili to feel comfortable again, and Kili appreciated it, though he said nothing of it. 

“Never bothered, I suppose,” Kili admitted,before taking a sizable bite of his food, glancing over at Fili. Through a mouthful of bread, he said, “I’ve just always pushed it back behind my ears, and that was enough. I’ll never be considered a handsome dwarf, so why bother with pointless grooming routines?” 

“Don’t say that,” Fili said with an annoying ‘I-Know-Best’ tilt to his head. 

“No, it’s true,” Kili said simply, “I have the look of a man, hardly do I make an attractive dwarf. My hair’s thin, my nose is small, I’m stick-thin, and I have no beard to speak of, other than a dusting.” A wry grin came to Kili’s lips, “I bet if I left my face completely clean-shaven, our Uncle would cast me out, thinking me to be an elf.” 

“Nah, you’re a wee bit short,” Fili said with a grin, and Kili couldn’t help but to reciprocate. He used to try to tease Fili the way Fili did to him, but he had always been too young to do so properly. He made a mental note to later get Fili back for the jab. “That’s the Kili I miss,” The softness of Fili’s voice once more startled Kili. “That grin. You used to smile like that when you had just played a trick upon Thorin.” 

Kili glanced down, all of a sudden self-conscious of his smile, and he felt it fall from his lips. “You don’t smile very much anymore, do you?” Fili’s question didn’t require an answer – they both knew it anyways. Kili’s mind spun for a moment – he had never thought of how he had changed to his brother. He had been temperamental and playful, somehow both carefree and deeply caring, alternating from one moment to the next. Now, he was… He was nothing. He wasn’t really a person anymore – he couldn’t love Valhalla, and he couldn’t forgive his brother for things that weren’t even truly his fault. He had no pace, no defined role, nothing to give him a hint of who he was supposed to be. 

Kili all of a sudden became aware that his brother, now finished eating, was once more striking flint to stone over the small structure of wood that he had built, to little success. “Here, let me,” Kili edged forwards, and took the stone and flint from Fili. It took a few strikes, but, eventually, the sparks caught the dry grass, and spread down along the wood.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo third chapter! I've been getting good feedback so far which is awesome (: This chapter was a lot of fun to write, so I hope you all enjoy it. 
> 
> JUST A WARNING! There is a bit of violence and gore in this chapter, so if that's an issue, you probably want to skip over some sections. It's not bad, but it could upset some people.

It rained for two days and two nights after that, and the silence and tension crept back over them like a fog - but now it was perhaps more directed towards the bad weather than each other. The main road soon grew muddy and treacherous, and travel became slow and arduous, as they both knew that if one of the ponies slipped, it could mean a broken ankle, and then the pony would have to be put down. The two Dwarves sat hunched over as they rode, their heads hung to keep the water from their eyes. Their hair was slick and dark from the rain, despite the heavy woolen cloaks they were sporting, especially since those too were soaked through. "We should stop for the night." Fili called through the clatter of water on gravel, and Kili looked up to the sky. It was impossible to tell if it was midday or dusk; the clouds were dark, and had been all day. But Fili was right - there was little further they would get in weather such as this. 

"I think there's an alcove over there, we'll at least be somewhat protected from the storm," Fili caled back to Fili, motioning with a hand to a rock ledge he could see distantly through the trees. Kili faintly heard Fili give his ascent, and Kili tugged on the reigns of his pony, directing it towards the alcove. Once there, he slipped from the saddle, darting quickly to bask in what little protection the jutted-out ledge provided. He could feel the shivers subside slowly in his body, as the blustering gusts of wind whistled by, unable to touch him. He brushed back some of the locks of hair that were plastered to his forehead and cheeks, searching back for the sight of his brother through the nearby trees - but he could see little, it was so dark, and the bush so thick. "Fili?" Kili yelled. His pony sputtered, and a branch cracked. Rain hit the ground like the footfalls of a far-off army. "Fili!"

A noise like the clash of iron on steel - or was it a combination of a thunder clap, and Kili's imagination? Kili's head snapped around, trying to find the source of the sound. 

A growl. "Kili!" The cry was desperate. It wasn't the commanding authority with which Fili usually spoke - this was pure fear in his voice. "Help!" The pitch and strain of Fili's cry set Kili's hair on end, and he felt his stomach drop painfully. He was running in the direction of the call before he had time to process what he was doing. He dropped the heavy cloak from his shoulders as he ran, his boots pounding into the mud with heavy, fast steps, and his hand fumbled for the bow that was strapped to his back. He managed to wrestle it free as a metallic crash sounded not far off. Kili pulled out an arrow and nocked it, just in time to see Fili's longsword clash with the crude Orc blade. The Orc was still seated upon his snarling, brutish Warg, and the horrible beast snapped at Fili, who only just managed to dodge it's teeth every time. From his perch on the Warg, the Orc had a great advantage, and Fili was only just managing to block his powerful swings. 

Kili couldn't hesitate. The nocked arrow whizzed from his bow, penetrating straight into the Warg's eye - but apparently it didn't go deep enough. The Warg let out a blood-curdling screech, and charged towards Kili, tossing its rider from it's back. Kili barely had time to react. He dropped his bow, and pulled his shortsword from the belt at his waist, unthinkingly thrusting it forwards as the Warg leaped towards him, jaws opening to display a row of razor-sharp yellow teeth. Kili felt the sickening crack as his sword pierced the Warg's skull, cutting up through the roof of its mouth into its brain. Kili could feel the warm rush of blood that poured onto his arm from the wound, and he let go of his sword. The creature fell to the side, dead, the handle of Kili's sword visible between it's gaping mouth. 

Swiftly, Kili ran forwards, and picked up his bow from where he had dropped it, looking to where he had last seen Fili. Fili was still fighting the Orc, who was now on foot, yet Fili was struggling, daring only to block the Orc's attacks, not ever choosing to swing his own blade in aggression. Kili nocked the second arrow and fired, well-practiced moves kicking in like clockwork. The Orc fell before his next blow could fall, and he tumbled over to the side, Kili's arrow protruding from his neck. 

Kili let out a sigh of relief, but his nerves were still on edge. If there as one Orc, the others would soon follow, and the two of them couldn't take on an entire Orc raiding party, not on their own. "We should get back to the alcove. We'll take turns keeping watch, and-"

It was then that Kili saw Fili's longsword slip from his grasp, falling into the mud with a muffled clatter. "Kili." The name was barely a whisper on Fili's tongue, nearly inaudible through the downpour, but it pierced through Kili's mind. Kili shot towards Fili, faster than the arrows he had loosed moments ago. 

When Kili reached Fili, he realized just why Fili's fighting had been so minimal. From a distance, the rain and water-logged clothing had masked the dark stain around Fili's shoulder that seemed to expand by the second. "The Warg bit me, nearly tore my arm off," Fili's voice wavered, though he feigned strength. "I'm okay, but it hurts. I'll be fine." Their eyes met, and Kili's stomach dropped. He had never seen Fili cry, and now his eyes were brimming, despite the lock of his jaw, which portrayed just how hard he was trying to remain unbroken. He swayed momentarily, and Kili's free arm reached out and caught him, pulling him in close to his body. He could smell the blood - maybe he was just imagining things. Kili glanced around once quickly. He could neither hear nor see any more Orcs coming to join the first, but that might not be the case for long. 

"Come, let's get you back to the alcove," Kili said softly, gently pulling his brother towards the alcove, supporting him heavily as he stumbled with clumsy steps. Kili could feel blood seeping through his fingers, as his hand supported Fili from around the upper arm. Grimacing, Kili moved his hand to Fili's waist, taking more of his weight as they made it to the shelter. "C'mon," Kili muttered as he felt Fili slip for a split second. "I've got you." Kili murmured, almost more to himself than to Fili. 

Fili seemed to drop right out of Kili's grasp when they reached the cover of the alcove. Fili leaned his back against the wall of rock, his eyes squeezing shut on impact, and his teeth clamped together tightly. He let out a hiss as he raised his hand to prod at his wound. On seeing this, Kili grabbed his hand, saying quickly, "Don't touch that. Let me, I can see better than you can. Now, move so I can get your tunic off of you." 

It was Fili's turn to follow orders, and, despite the pain, he still managed to find amusement in this. He shuffled forwards, and bent his body so that Kili could remove his tunic with ease. "Who's bossy now, little one?" Fili teased, straightening again with a pained grimace as soon as his skin was reed from the fabric. It made Kili feel ill to see the wound displayed before him. Thorin may have called him a warrior, but he had seen no battles, spilled no blood before. Not on purpose, at least. And he had never in his life seen a wound such as this, and he was utterly unprepared. He was no warrior. He was a scared little boy. 

"I have every right to be bossy," Kili tutted, speaking only to distract himself from the blood that was... Everywhere. How could anyone lose so much blood and still survive? Kili's eyes flicked away from the wound - he had no real idea what he was doing. Cleaning it and binding it seemed like a good place to start, however. 

Kili stood quickly and went to where his horse was tethered, finding his water skin strapped to his saddle. "You're going to do whatever I tell you, because I have years and years of playing the evil Orc while you got the play the valiant prince to make up for." Kili said as he quickly came back to Fili. Fili had lost a lot of blood, and the smile that was given in return was weak, and his eyes soon fell to half-mast. "Stay awake," Kili said sharply. He remembered reading once that one should stay awake after blood loss - or was that a head injury? He couldn't quite remember any of that now, it was all simply a blur in his mind. All he knew was that Fili could die, and he was not willing to let that happen. 

Fili's tunic was laying to the side and, in the moment, that seemed the best option to use to clean the wound. It was already soaked through by rain and blood, not to mention ripped from where the Warg's teeth had torn it - otherwise utterly useless. Kili uncorked his water skin with trembling fingers and splashed some water on to the cleanest part of the travel-worn tunic he could find. "Hold still," Kili ordered as he approached Fili, crouching down to his level. Kili gently pressed the fabric to Kili's skin, trying to mop up some of the blood to see just how much damage had been done. Fili let out a low, pain-stricken moan in response to the light pressure, and Kili felt sickened, knowing he was causing his brother further pain. 

"The horses," Fili mumbled weakly, his head lolled to the side. Sweat was collecting on his brow - that didn't seem at all like a good sign to Kili. "They ran... Our food..." 

"It'll be fine, I'll hunt some squirrels or something, and you'll rind my pony tomorrow, and I'll walk next to you." Kili had no idea how he managed to sound so calm. His mind was racing, and his hands were unsteady, and yet somehow his voice stayed as steadfast as a mountain. 

Kili managed to remove most of the blood around the wound, and was relieved to see that the bleeding had at least slowed somewhat. The skin was torn and jagged, pieces hanging uselessly, through which raw, bleeding flesh could be seen. Kili did his best to keep the nausea at bay, since there was little he cold do other than to simply grit his teeth and bear it. 

Binding the wound turned out to be the easiest part. kili didn't have any proper bandages, but he had a few extra tunics in his smallest bags, which he kept on his own pony. He sacrificed one, which he cut into long strips with his knife and wrapped around Fili's arm and shoulders, trying to cover all of the damaged flesh. He knew he'd have to change the bandages regularly, and he only had so much cloth with which he could do so. He would need to find a village or town, and soon, lest Fili's wounds get infected. A second tunic was slipped carefully onto Fili's weakened body, which barely seemed responsive. Kili decided to let him rest, thinking it would do him more good than keeping him awake - thinking back, he remembered more about wakefulness and head wounds than wakefulness and bleeding. Kili's mind was still fuzzy and reeling, and his world seemed just a bit off-kilter. Fili's eyes were shut, and his breathing was slow and faint, but it was present, so Kili thought it wouldn't hurt to leave him be for the moment. 

The rain had subsided to a pitiful patter of droplets, which Kili was glad for. He found his cloak where he had left it, mud-stained and dripping, but otherwise undamaged. He collected his two used arrows from the corpses of the fallen, grimacing in disgust at the sight. Next came his shortsword, which took great effort to pull free from the Warg's skull. He slid the blade back into his sheath, deciding to clean ti later, as his mind was fixed upon the last object. It often took two hands to best wield a longsword, but one would do to carry it. The worn leather of the pommel felt comforting in Kili's hand as he picked it up, imagining the days of training and hunting it had seen in Fili's own hand. With the longsword held in one hand and his cloak draped over the other, Kili began back to their camp. 

There would be no fire tonight, as it would be too dangerous if Orcs were nearby, but, when Kili finally curled up next to his brother's already sleeping form, he felt warmer than he had ever felt back in his bed in the Blue Mountains, just knowing that Fili was safe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm incredibly sick so please forgive the quality of this chapter, I have no idea what I just wrote. 
> 
> Also, just for reference, a sell-sword (which are in Game of Thrones quite a bit) is basically a soldier-for-hire. They travel from town to town fighting for whoever needs them in return for pay. They have no real loyalties, other than to whoever offers them the most money.

For three days, they traveled, and with each day, Fili's posture became more and more hunched, his breath lighter and shallower, his gaze glassy and vacant. His lower lip became swollen from his biting of it to dull the pain that shot from his shoulder, as if the teeth were still inside of him, tearing his skin apart. When Kili awoke the morning of the fourth day, the only sign that Fili was even alive was the slow movements of his chest - inconsistent at best, but present. Kili pulled himself up onto his knees and his brows turned down in intense concern as he surveyed his brother, trying to piece together all the details to learn how Fili was doing - specifically, he needed a sign to show Kili that what he had done so far had helped. But all he saw was the faint sheen of sweat along Fili's brow and cheekbones, the helpless part of his dry lips, and the pallid colouring of his skin. Gently, Kili raised a ahnd, and brushed it over Fili's forehead. Fili felt hot to the touch, and Kili recoiled his hand in alarm, his throat tightening and his stomach turning. "Fili?" Kili's whole body was cold from the inside out, and he was beginning to feel dizzy. 

He wasn't prepared for this. Throin had made the journey sound easy, and, being the child he was, Kili had been ecited for the adventure and the glory. Never for a moment had he thought he could lose his brother before the real fight had even begun. "Fili, we need to get you to a healer, an soon. I need you to wake up." Kili's voice sounded as weak as he felt. "Fili please." He desperately placed a hand on the back of Fili's neck, and his eyes fell closed. Their foreheads touched as Kili leaned in close, smelling sweat, blood, and something sickly clouding around his brother. 

"I'm not dead yet," Even though his words came faintly, and his voice was thin, there was a playfulness to Fili's speech that made Kili smile. "And I don't plan on dying quite yet either, so shall you help me onto the pony?" 

Kili opened his eyes again, and pressed his lips to Fili's forehead, feeling the heat of his fever, which at least meant that Fili was truly alive. Kili pulled back and stood, looking down upon Fili. "Of course. I don't know how far it is to the nearest village, but-"

"It'll be fine," Fili's calmness silenced Kili's hurried words, and Kili simply nodded in response, before scurrying off to untether the pony. All Kili could think about was getting Fili to safety, however that may be, and with every passing second, the prospect of doing so became less and less likely. Kili fumbled with the reigns as he tugged the pony over to Fili, looking down at his brother's weakened form. It had only been a few days, it made little sense that this could have happened so quickly, that his brother had gone from a fierce fighter to weakly biting back the pain that clawed at him. 

"Come on, let's get you up, shall we?" Kili leaned down, bringing his arms around Fili's waist. With a grunt, Kili heaved Fili up to standing, but he kept his arms curled tightly around Fili, as if any lessening of pressure on his part could cause Fili to topple over. And, judging by how heavily reliant Fili was on Kili to keep himself balanced and upright, Kili's fear very well could have proven true. 

Maneuvering Fili onto the pony was far easier said than done. Kili had to hoist Fili up, practically lifting him entirely on his own until Fili had a foot in the stirrup. Then, it was a matter of heaving Fili's other leg over, which Fili attempted twice on his ow with Kili supporting his waist before Kili had to properly lend a hand. After what felt like near half an hour (but was actually closer to five minutes,) Fili was finally seated, though his body sagged dangerously in the saddle. 

After the encounter on the main road with the Orc, Kili had thought it best to travel through the forest, just barely in sight of the main road, so it would be easier to hide lest unfriendly eyes approach. Kili walked next to the pony, constantly looking up to where Fili sat, the fear never leaving his heart that any moment, Fili would keel over and fall to the side, and that would be that. Kili's heart seamed to be moving at double its normal pace, and he swore he could feel his bones shake with each beat, sending shivers down his spine, turning his stomach. To reassure himself, he placed a hand on Fili's thigh, feeling the warmth through the layers of fabric that reminded Kili that Fili's blood was still flowing, that there was hope still. 

With one on foot, not to mention the uneven ground of the forest beneath the, travel was sickeningly slow. There were very few passers by on the main road, which Kili could make out just barely through the foliage, and they were usually one or two impoverished travelers on horse or mule. They seemed far from any sort of camp or villiage, and it was becoming more and more terrifyingly possible that Fili would not make it. His eyelids were heavy, and the hair that fell around his face in a lank mess shadowed his features, making him look even more peaked and exhausted. 

"I should change your bandages," Kili murmured after a few hours of travel. He had intended to save his last tunic as long as he possibly could, but there might be no use in that, not if Fili was weakening at such an alarming rate. "Fili, we should-"

That's when Kili heard it, and his blood ran cold. Even Fili's head raised towards the noise, his eyes widening in fear. Kili stopped dead in his tracks, grabbing the reigns of the pony to pull him to a stop. It was not in a dwarf's nature to be silent an stealthy, but it was the only defense they had left. Even so, one of Kili's hands floated at the pommel of his shortsword, as if the foot and a half of steel could do anything against the approaching army. At least, it sounded like an army. It sounded as if there were hundreds of approaching feet, pounding into the dirt road at a slow but deadly pace, like a wave just about to crash. Kili's breath hitched in his throat. It had to be the Orcs, that was the only possible explanation. They were following behind the scout, who had run much further ahead, and were going... Where were they going? No, it didn't line up, there had to be something missing. 

No matter the reason, the army was here, and Fili and Kili would be dead if they were seen, and this was very probable. Fili turned his head to look down at Kili, and for a long moment, their eyes met, and unspoken words passed between them, said by the sadness in their eyes rather than by the music of their tongues. _'I'm sorry.'_

Shouts rang out - was that laughter? Kili's heart rose with the sound, and his hand slipped from his shortsword as relief overtook him. It was the Common Tongue he heard, and when the approaching figures came into view, it was obvious that these were no Orcs. These were men, and they numbered less than fifty, by Kili's reckoning. Kili cursed himself - he often found himself imagining the worst possible conclusions, and then assuming these to be inevitable, especially in situations of possible danger. He would do it when he was younger, after he and Fili were caught stealing food from the kitchens again, and Thorin would bring them into his solar. He would imagine that Thorin would dangle them out of the windows by their ankles, but the most they ever received was a stern talking-to. 

Kili's eyes searched for Fili', to give him a reassuring smile, but Fili's gaze was once again glassy and distant. For a moment, Fili's expression contorted, as if caught in a moment of extraordinary pain, and Kili's mind filled with panic. Fili's chest seemed to swell, and his head lolled back, before he convulsed momentarily. Then he sneezed. Twice. 

Kili almost hit Fili for causing him such dread, but the motion had made their pony shuffle forwards anxiously, and with this, a few branches snapped loudly underfoot, which was enough noise to attract a pair of human eyes. And so a pair settled upon them, and whistled to stop the group, who slowly came to a halt. "Oy, you two! Why's you hiding in them trees, now?" the man who was speaking stepped forwards in their direction. He was far off, but Kili could see him clearly enough, as his eyes were sharp. He was wearing a light-coloured Tunic, and over it a worn leather Jerkin. Over top of rough-spun breeches, he wore a swordbelt with a shortsword at the hp, which one hand hovered over protectively, lest Fili and Kili prove enemy, Kili supposed. The man was a little past middle-aged for a human, with a shock of sandy hair that fell in curls around a sharp-featured face. 

"There are Orcs nearby," Kili stopped forwards as well, intent on showing the man that he meant no harm. There had to be someone in the crowd of men who knew how to heal a wound; whether they would bother or not was a different matter entirely. But Kili had no real option left other than to try. "We met an Orc scout on the road, and my brother, he's injured. I think the wound's infected, and I'm afraid that if I don't find him a healer, he may not make it three days." 

"You won't be finding no healer here, laddie," The man glanced back at his group and motioned abstractly towards them. "We's nothing but a bunch of sell-swords." 

"Can you tell me at least how far it is to the nearest town?" Kili asked, his hope slowly losing its momentum. 

"It's a good four day's ride, more if you's on foot." The man responded, "I wish you and yerr brother luck." 

As the man turned away, seemingly intent to keep moving, a younger man, perhaps still a child, darted through the cracks of the crowd. "Wait a minute, I can help, I can help!" He cried, separating himself from the group. Kili watched the older man's expression flash, but the boy saw nothing. He had seen perhaps fourteen summers, and his freckled face was obscured by a mess of dull brown hair. "Me Ma, she heps birth babies in my village, and she taught me how to treat wounds, too. It won't take long, I swears it, sir." The boy turned to the man, who seemed to be the leader of the company. 

"Fine. We stop for a while, then, lads. We's might as well, we's be needing our supper." The man turned the the gang of sell-swords, who seemed more than happy for the rest. They were all on foot, and, if their appearance was anything to go by, they had been traveling for may days. 

"Thank you," Kili was breathless with relief. He turned to look at Fili who too looked thankful, but the expression spoke too of great pain, despite Fili's attempts to mask it. "Let's get you down." Kili held his arms out for Fili, supporting his weight as he slid laboriously from the saddle into Kili's arms. Kili helped him over to a nearby tree, and lowered him to the ground, as the boy approached timidly. 

"First off, have you got any bandages?" He asked, standing a few feet back from where Fili sat. Kili straightened and nodded quickly. The boy was just barely taller than him, due to his youth. 

"Yes. Well- No. I have a tunic. We can cut it into strips-"

"We'll need to boil it first. Have you got any wine?" 

It was nearly nightfall by the time that the sell-swords were gone, and Fili and Kili were alone once more. The boy, who they later found out was named Edmure, had managed to get a robust sell-sword to donate some wine from a flask to boil to clean the makeshift bandages. The boy worked with dexterous and careful fingers, cleaning the swollen wound while Fili hissed and moaned in anguish, and Kili looked on helplessly. Nearly half of Fili's chest was red, and the wound itself oozed blood and a sticky white-ish substance that looked sickening and smelled even worse. "If it itches and burns, it's healing. Once you get to the village, get some new bandages and perhaps a poultice if you can afford one, but make sure your bandages is on snug this time, sirs." 

Kili had slipped Edmure some silver for his work before the boy darted back to the sell-swords, who had set up a make-shift camp on the other side of the road. They had now long since head off again, and Fili and Kili were alone, save for the pony, who was grazing peacefully a few feet off. 

"I'll go hunt for a rabbit or something of the like," Kili was saying, his back to the small fire that crackled in hushed tones. He was standing, fiddling with the fastenings of his cloak as he spoke, and Fili was sitting close to the fire, slouched, but in need of the warmth. 

"You'll make a good king someday." Fili's voice was no more than a whisper, but Kili heard him just the same as if he'd been shouting. 

"You're the heir," Kili said, managing for once to not sound resentful. "And you're going to live, stop that talk. You just need some food in your belly." 

"I mean after me." Fili said, his voice gaining strength. "You're impulsive, and you live more in your imagination than in reality, but you have courage and strength that I was unknowing of. Many men will gladly follow you into battle someday." 

Kili had turned back around by now, his eyes upon Fili's. Even slumped over and injured, Fili still looked the fierce lion he was at heart. Or maybe it was just the firelight and Kili's admiration. "Well, once you have heirs of your own, then I lose my place in the line of succession," Kili's eyes dropped to the fire. "But thank you. Although you will be a far greater king than I ever could be." 

"No," Fili said softly, "No, but I won't. I have been taught the histories, the etiquette, the language. I can handle a sword, and I know battle strategy and technique. But I do not know how to lead, how to make people have faith in my vision." 

"Just imagine when we were still children, and you would tell me what role to play in our next game," Kili smiled, trying to reassure Fili. He had never seen him in a moment of doubt such as this - he had assumed that doubt was a foreign concept to Fili. Fili had seemed to exude a self-assured grace, and Kili wondered what else he had been wrong about. 

"So you think a king should be a bossy ass." Kili couldn't help but let out a chuckle. 

"No," Kili said. Their eyes met again. "I think you should rule with love in your heart. The love you once had for me, and the protectiveness and gentility with which you once treated me." 

"I still do love you." Fili gazed into the base of the fire, his face growing once more difficult to read, the unmarked map Kili was used to seeing now. 

"Not as you once did." Kili said. Before Fili could respond, Kili had pulled his bow from his back. "So how about that rabbit?" Kili's playful grin was somewhat forced, but Fili didn't seem to be paying that much attention to him anymore. 

"Aye," Fili said after a moment, his thoughts elsewhere. "I could do with some food." 

When Kili returned with his prey, the fire almost seemed to burn brighter than it had when he had left.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a bit more interaction! Yay! I have no idea what's happening past point! Yay!

Fili gained little physical strength over the next few days, although his condition seemed to stabilize. He hovered at the same point, rather than continuing to deteriorate, which, to Kili, seemed like an improvement in it’s own way. Kili’s feet were blistered and aching from walking over uneven terrain, but guilt stopped his tongue every time he thought to complain. Not once had he heard Fili complain about the pain that Kili could only think to imagine. Kili thought he had no right to mention his own discomforts, when, compared to Fili’s injuries, they were naught but mild distractions. Travel was still slow, but they found a rhythm and pattern, and the despair in Kili’s heart began to lift as the days went by. Although he still needed Kili’s support, and his wound seemed to cause more annoyance than previously, Fili’s mood improved greatly. He didn’t hesitate to once more making arrogant comments with his usual coy smirk, yet, instead of annoying Kili, Fili’s antics brought a smile to his lips. It meant that he was getting better. 

There were times that weren't quite so easy. The bandages would itch horridly, and Fili would try to loosen them, and the mere act of doing so would cause Kili to snap at him, telling him not to do so. The terror would flare in Kili’s heart that Fili would get worse once more, and then they would fight for a few minutes, and for a few hours after that, would proceeded to ignore each other. But when they’d curl up up to sleep at night, Kili would feel a hand on his shoulder for just a moment, and, by morning, all was forgotten. 

After five days, they reached the village the sell-swords had mentioned. Mainly men inhabited it, but it was larger than Kili had expected, and finding an apothecary wasn’t difficult. A few gold coins bought Kili all that Edmure had recommended he purchase, and a few coppers brought fresh bread and cheese for the last few days of their journey. Fili was resting off the main road, hidden in a patch of brush, as Kili returned from the village with his pony, saddlebags full once more. 

“Before we depart, I should change your bandages,” Kili said as he approached Fili, his supplies from the apothecary in his hands. Fili looked up from where he was seated, repairing a rip in his travelling cloak. Kili could have sworn that Fili was darning the same spot he had been when Kili had left, but he disregarded the most likely incorrect observation - he must not have been paying much attention. Fili looked up as Kili approached, offering a small smile in greeting, which quickly turned to a grimace. 

“If you say so,” Fili let out a reluctant sigh, but he set his cloak aside nonetheless. Kili helped Fili out of his tunic before he gently unwrapped the bloody, yellowed bandages from Fili’s chest. The stink of rot still clung to his skin, but not nearly as heavily as it had before. Parts of the wound will were still open, showing bright red flesh under where skin had once coloured, and the surrounding area was swollen and inflamed, but scabs were forming, and the fever had long since broken, which had to mean the worst of it was over. 

“I bought some ointment, the apothecary said that this was the best,” Kili pulled out a small jar with a sickly yellow lotion inside; when he removed the lid, the smell was far more putrid and powerful than the rot had been, and Fili made a face of disgust that Kili was sure mirrored his own. 

“Don’t you touch me with that stuff,” Fili said, leaning away from Kili, but he showed no real intention of escaping. “I’d rather die of my wounds then smell like that.” 

“Either way, you smell gross,” Kili said, not listening to what Fili wanted. “This way, you’ll smell gross-er until your wounds heal, but then after that, you won’t smell gross at all.” The thought of Fili back to his normal self made Kili’s heart lift, although he pushed the thought aside quickly; it was frivolous and unneeded in the present. 

“Fine,” Fili said with a sigh, “Only because I smell anyways.” Kili nodded in satisfaction, and spread a little ointment on his index and middle finger, before, with the utmost care and gentility, beginning to rub the ointment onto Fili’s shoulder. Fili’s skin felt hot against Kili’s fingers, coated in the cold ointment, and, judging from the sharp intake of breath, even the smallest amount of cool must have felt like a lightening bolt to Fili. 

Fili’s head lolled back, hitting the tree behind him, and his eyes closed as he did his best to block out the pain caused by Kili’s small movements. Kili found himself watching Fili as he did so, admiring the way the muscles in his neck tensed, the furrow of his brow, the oddly inviting part of his lips that made Kili’s breath hitch in his throat for a split second. Kili’s eyes wandered lower, drinking in the artful contours of his chest, and the one arm that was slung across his stomach. Kili had never noticed quite how beautiful Fili’s hands were. They were strong, callused and scarred, the hands of one who had seem toil and training, but they were dexterous and exquisitely shaped, the hands of a lover, not a tyrant. 

“Something the matter, Kili?” Kili tensed, and suddenly became aware that he was admiring his brother’s hand, rather than applying the ointment as he should have been and said he was - in fact, his own fingers were resting lifelessly on Fili’s chest, and probably had been for at least a few seconds. 

“No, just thinking,” Kili said quickly, avoiding Fili’s questioning look. He was incredibly grateful that Fili didn’t ask any further questions. Kili quickly got back to his task, and, for a moment, he swore he saw Fili watching him with the same gaze had had lapsed into before. 

Once Fili was bandaged again, they road until dusk settled, and camped in the thick of the woods off the main road, which they had taken to once more, after such a long time with no sign of Orcs. The sky turned to a dusty expanse of reds and yellows as they made camp, and it was a deep shade of azure when Kili returned with two rabbits in hand for that night. He paused for a moment before making his presence known, taking in the sight of Kili at the campfire, widdling at a piece of wood with his knife. Kili had no doubt that Fili had heard him approach, but he didn’t look up, he was so focused on his work. 

“I have dinner, and we’ll eat it with real bread tonight,” Kili stepped forwards, making his way to the fire, seating himself next to Fili. Kili too pulled out his knife, but instead began to skin the rabbits. 

“Wonderful.” Fili said in a monotone, but, when he looked up a few seconds later, he had a smile of appreciation on his lips for Kili. 

“Just think - one day soon, we’ll be eating venison and boar in the halls of Erebor,” Kili said with relish as he skinned the rabbit expertly. 

“As long as I don’t have to smell like that yellow stuff again, I’ll be happy,” Fili wrinkled his nose, and Kili laughed. 

“I don’t like you smelling like shit either,” Kili grinned, ” So trust me, I look forwards to that as well.” 

They ate quickly, hunger and the fresh food too inviting to pass up or draw out. Compared to their meager last few meals, this was a fest, and soon they were both full, sitting with contented smiles upon their lips. 

“This is for you,” Fili’s voice rumbled and Kili wiped a few crumbs off of his jerkin, regarding Fili with a questioning expression. Fili held a hand out, and deposited something small in Kili’s palm. Kili was suddenly reminded of the hair clasp, and he inadvertently fumbled a hand behind his head to make sure it was still in place. At the same time, he dropped his eyes to his palm. 

“It’s a wolf.” Fili said, as if there could be a doubt to what the little carved wooden figurine represented - Fili’s handicraft was beautiful and incredibly vivid. “They’re pack animals, fiercely loyal, a sign of stability and reliability. Bravery, too. They fight fiercely for their pack, but alone, they’re weak.” 

Kili’s eyes snapped up. His face was a patchwork quilt of emotion. He felt his throat tighten, but he could not say at what. He said nothing, and Fili continued anyways, sparing Kili from having to think up a coherent string of words. 

“I left you alone for so long, Kili. We’re pack animals, we’re not meant to be alone. I suppose I thought you would find others of your age, but…” Fili trailed off, and, for a moment, the crackling of the fire spoke the loudest. “I’m trying to say that I’m sorry. I was never there for you when you needed me, and when I needed you, you did everything in your power to help. I mean it truly when I say you would make a far better king.” 

Kili’s fingers closed over the wooden figurine, and he raised his eyes to meet Fili’s. There was a long moment, so long that a summer seemed to pass, though only a few breaths were taken. 

“I hate being alone,” Kili said dumbly. But, no, that was the truth. He thought back to the evenings spent alone with a flickering candle and a copy of some old history book. He thought back to Valhalla, and the empty words that had no meaning behind them. He thought back to the decades, to the days, to the isolation. And he had hated it. He still hated it. 

“You’re not alone,” Fili’s voice was soft, but full of feeling.” 

“I was,” Kili’s hand was beginning to tremble. 

“I was always there.” Fili sounded almost angry, and Kili shook his head, a fury of his own rising.

“No, no, you never were. I’d go to you as a child, and you would always be busy, far too busy for your little brother. And it broke my heart, but what could I do? So I stopped coming to you, because you cared little for me. But you taught me something, Fili, you taught me not to rely on others, as, in the end, they will always push you away.” Kili had to grit his teeth to keep his eyes from overflowing. He was just so angry - years of pent up emotion had bubbled to the surface, boiling over from a fire that was started long again, rekindled once more. 

“Oh, Kili,” Fili was almost breathless it seemed, his voice strained and sorrowful. “If I had any idea the affect my stupid childish pride would have had on you - if I could take it all back, I would.” Kili remained silence, his anger ebbing away as he recognized the guilt in Fili’s eyes. “What I would give to see you truly smile again, Kili.” Fili brought a hand up and brushed his thumb along Kili’s cheekbone. Kili tensed at contact, but didn’t turn away. “I cannot expect you to forgive or forget, but will you at least give me a second chance to be your brother?” 

Kili’s hand opened, and he gazed down at the wooden figurine. “Fine,” He said after a long moment, “My wolf pack’s a bit empty at the moment anyways.” A second wooden figurine joined the first in his palm, and kili glanced up at Fili’s whose gaze was almost tentative. “You’re not a wolf, Fili, you’re a lion. Look at your mane.” Kili fondly brought a hand to ruffle Fili’s hair.

 

“In nothing more than looks. I’ll always be my little brother’s fellow wolf. From now on, I promise.” Kili slipped the two figurines into a small pocket on his sword belt. 

 

“We should get some sleep.” Kili said, standing to take their bedrolls from the pony. They lay down right next to each other that night, almost exactly back to back, the corners of each other’s blankets overlapping. The campfire burned down to embers, but still emitted a soft warmth as they lay, thinking the other asleep, minds too ablaze to rest. It was Fili who caved first, rolling to face Kili, and Kili did the same a few seconds later. 

 

They said nothing, gazing at each other with thoughtful expressions. One of Kili’s hands moved forwards a few inches, and Fili’s came to meet it, laying one of his beautiful hands atop Kili’s. Their legs entwined next, and it took a few minutes, but soon they were curled up around each other, holding on as if for dear life, at once both needy and entirely willing to ignore this contact. Fili’s face was pressed into Kili’s hair, and Kili’s face was against Fili’s chest, his ear perceiving the gentle ‘thumpt-thumpt’s that came to remind him that Fili was alive. That he was not alone. And Kili didn’t even seem to notice the awful stench of the ointment as he lay there that night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really should be doing work but guess what I'm not doing? Work! Anyways, things are starting to pick up pace a bit, I thank everyone who's been tagging along with this fic. I even made it onto a rec list, which made me squeal with delight. 
> 
> Enjoy!

In two day's time, Fili could walk steadily, and, with effort, could heave himself onto their pony's back unassisted. With the return of Fili's strength came a new-found feeling of connection that neither of them could quite explain, other than to simply allude to the fact that Kili had seen Fili through such an event. Fili's arrogant remarks became almost endearing to Kili, and, alternately, to Fili, Kili's unpredictable flares of anger became a sign of passion, not oversensitivity. Their fights became playful jests, the tension melting away between them as if it had never been there. 

Kili began to notice Fili's quirks, too - the way his lips would twitch to the left when he was annoyed, but didn't wish to show it, or the way his hands could never seem to rest, not unless he was fast asleep. Both nights, Kili and Fili lay down with their backs facing, and both mornings would once more find themselves in a tangle of limbs, clutching onto each other with an unadmitted desperation. When they awoke, they acted as if nothing unusual had occurred, speaking ony of the journey that faced them that day. The Shire was fast approaching, and they could taste sweet excitement upon their tongues, their minds full of scenes of victory, and of what treasures would await them in the halls of Erebor. 

"If I do end up as the next King Under the Mountain," It was a common conversation now, yet Fii said the words with relish, "Perhaps I could make you the Captain of the Guard. It would suit you well." 

"If I'm to be the captain of the guard, I want a horse." Kili said with a cheeky grin, glancing up at where Fili sat atop the pony. "Not a pony, but a real horse. A white one that I can ride into battle." 

"You'd look silly atop a real horse, little one," Fili said teasingly, which earned a snort from Kili. 

"I'm taller than you, you know," Kili said with a pointed tilt of his head. 

"Nah, your boots are just more padded, I'd say," Fili said with a wink to show Kili his facetiousness. 

"Yeah? Get down off that pony and I'll prove it." Kili staid stubbornly, puffing up his chest to make himself look more imposing, but he was hardly serious. Their gazes met, and Kili grinned, a playful glint in his eye. All of a sudden, Fili's expression changed, a realization passing over his features, as a cloud might pass over the sun. 

"Your feet must be in terrible shape, Kili, you've been walking for days." The concern in Fili's voice made Kili tense. 

"I'm fine," Kili cut in quickly. In reality, his feet were immensely pained, blisters still not yet turned to calluses, and aching muscles sent jolts of pain up his ankles and calves with every step. But, to admit as much was to be admitting weakness, and Kili was _not_ weak. A warrior. He remembered the way Thorin had spoken the word, the way it had sounded so full of confidence and promise. "You need the pony, you're still injured." 

"Aye, my shoulder is, but my legs are fine, and you need to rest your legs a bit. We still have much further to go, even after we reach the shire." Fili spoke with authority, but this was al but lost on Kili, who shook his head deliberately.

"No, you need to keep your strength up," Kili said with a frown. Before he could go on, Fili pulled on the reigns, stopping the pony in its tracks. Kili watched in a mixture of alarm and dismay as Fili dismounted, and came to stand next to Kili. 

"I'm not going anywhere until you get on that pony, Kili." Fili said with a stern glare, trying with little success to make his brother listen; Kili simply scoffed at Fili's attempt. 

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," Kili began, "Until you get _back_ on that pony." As if to prove how serious he was about this, Kili sat down with a huff in the middle of the road, gazing up at Fili with a set jaw and a challenging gaze. 

"Well, I guess that's going to be a problem." Fili, too, sat down, facing Kili with his arms crossed over his chest. 

"I guess it will." Kili said, tilting his chin up, haughty and adamant. They stared at each other in complete silent for a long few minutes, each waiting for the other to break. 

It was Fili who finally spoke, albeit reluctantly, his gaze dropping for a split second before a sigh escaped his lips. "We could always both... I mean, rather than just sit here..." 

"You're getting on first." Kili said, knowing Fili was right, but still wanting to show some semblance of control. 

"Fine," Fili said, getting to his feet again, and Kili followed suit. Fili swung himself back onto the pony, and Kili pulled himself on behind him. Their bulk was hardly too much for the pony to carry, but riding together on the small saddle would be cramped and difficult. Despite this, neither of them wanted to admit defeat, so they said nothing. 

"Woah!" Kili swayed dangerously as the pony lurched forwards at Fili's command, and Fili's tongue clicked disapprovingly. 

"Just hold onto me," Fili said, glancing back at Kili. "If you fall off this pony and you injure your shoulder too, but in a stupid accident, Thorin will have your head." 

Kili took a moment, weighing his options. Despite his stubbornness, Fili was right - Thorin's displeasure would be great and terrible to behold. Kili's hands struggled to find a hold on the back of Fili's traveling cloak, so Kili reluctantly curled his arms around Fili's waist, clasping his hands in front of Fili. They had spent the past few nights positioned similarly, yet, this was different. Neither of them could deny this or act as if it hadn't occurred - they were wide awake now. Kili could feel the expansions and contractions of Fili's abdomen with each inhale and exhale. Slowly, they melted into each other's touch, and Kili stopped holding on, and simply began to _hold_ Fili. Their breathing became rhythmic, their lungs moving in time to each other as Kili's chest and Fili's back relaxed into one another. 

After long hours of riding, Kili's legs ached and burned from the saddle, but he didn't think to complain. When he dismounted, the sun was upon the horizon, flooding the forest with a warm amber glow, but Kili felt cold as he walked alone to tether the pony, as Fili started a fire. The feeling of the contours of Fili's back burned against Kili's chest, a memory that haunted in a confusing and agonizing way. And the memory did not at all satisfy. Kili glanced at the sky, silently cursing the few hours left before the dark would take over, and Kili would find an excuse to be close to Fili once more. 

"I'll hunt," Kili said, glancing back at Fili, who met his eyes for a moment before nodding. Without another word, Kili slipped into the brush, pulling out his bow with a clumsy hand. Kili's heart was still pounding - he didn't even quite understand why it had been racing so in the first place. He drew and arrow nocked it with fumbling fingers. He wondered how Fili's fingers could be so graceful. He thought for a moment of the way they moved like water as Fili undid the fastenings of his tunic, or how they would slip through the strands of his hair as Fili fixed the braids that had come unraveled at the end of the day. Kili imagined the feeling of Fil's fingers on his neck, tracing the path of his Adam's apple, holding the back of his neck as if he was precious, as if he was fragile. 

Kili took two more steps forwards and scanned the area, trying to spot something with a heartbeat. His hands were trembling and his jaw tightened. In his mind, Fili's hands had moved to his back, ghosting over his skin for a moment, before suddenly reaching to clutch his hips, to feel his solid presence. A twig cracked, and Kili's eyes darted in the direction of the sound. His imagination whispered to him of what it would be like to have Fili's hands in his hair, tugging on the mess of brown waves that fell past his shoulders, pulling his head back to expose his throat. The brown eyes of a fox met Kili's. Kili wondered if Fili's lips would feel soft. He loosed the arrow. Leaves rustled as the fox fell, the arrow embedded in its eye socket. Kili picked up the carcass after putting his bow away, and he started back to the camp, trying to forget the mirage that had flooded his mind. 

"Your turn to skin it and cook it." Kili set the fox down in Fili's lap as he sat down by the fire next to Fili, his eyes flicking momentarily to the hands he had thought so much about, which were being used to stoke the fire with a stick. Fili looked down and groaned when he saw the fox. 

"You couldn't have killed something smaller?" Fili set the stick aside and pulled out his hunting knife. 

"What, is it too much for you?" The challenge was enough to shut Fili up. Kili watched Fili as he worked, the way his teeth clasped his lower lip and brought colour to it in a rush, and the way those long fingers moved so steadily, immune to the blood and fur that coated them as he skinned the fox. His fingers stretched and bended, and the tendons of his hand stood out in reaction, like ripples on the surface of calm waters. 

"Where are your thoughts, Kili?" Kili glanced up, his stomach dropping when he realized that Fili's eyes lay upon his face, most likely entirely aware of Kili's gaze. 

"Have you had many lovers?" The words spilled from Kili's lips in a waterfall before he could think, and his cheeks burned on instant when he realized what he had just asked. 

"No, Fili admitted; if he saw Kili's embarrassment, he said naught of it. "As the heir, I'm kept on a rigorous schedule that allows little for that sort of thing. And there have been very few to ever catch my eye. Why do you ask?" 

"Your hands," If Kili could have silenced his unbidden words, he would have, but they came forth entirely of their own will, it would seem. "They just... They Seem... Never mind. Please forget I said anything." 

The smirk that came to Fili's lips was not unfriendly, but it added to Kili's embarrassment even further. "Have you been thinking about my hands and my lovers together, little one?" Fili teased.

"No!" Kili snapped, instantly defensive. "Don't be stupid, it was just a question." 

"If it was only a question, why are you so sensitive about it?" Fili asked, stopping his task with the fox so he could pay Kili (admittedly unwanted at the moment) attention. 

"Just finish with dinner." Kili said gruffly in answer, making it evident that Fili would get no more from him. Absentmindedly, Kili's hand slipped to the pouch on his sword belt, his fingers finding the wooden figurines. 

Fili stayed silent, pausing for a moment before returning to the fox that lay in his lap. Dinner was a quiet affair, Kili attempting to avoid Fili's gaze, which always seemed to be directed at him when he looked up. Soon, the mutter of the fire was the only sound to be heard, and the silence was nearly unbearable. Darkness had taken the sky, and the light from the fire danced across the camp. Kili's eyes settled once more on Fili, quickly, and he thought that the firelight made Fili look as if he was made out of pure gold, angelically sculpted with the utmost care. 

"My hands have seen much work in the forge, and on the handle of a sword, but I cannot say they have known much of lovemaking." Fili's voice pierced the night like thunder, and Kili froze, mind reeling, unsure quite how to react. Fili had moved closer, and Kili's heart was once more running at a frantic pace. He felt a hand upon his own - rough, but nimble. Kili stayed still, his breath shallow, and his lips parted. Fili's face was only a few inches from his own, and he could feel Fili's own breath against his skin. "What do you want of me?" Fili's asked softly, his gaze locked upon Kili's face. 

"I do not know." Kili answered honestly, his voice barely audible. "What do _you_ want of _me_?" 

"I want to hear my little wolf howl." The last word was more of a growl than real speech. For a moment, they remained still, staring at each other like predators. It was Fili who closed the distance between them in one swift, fierce motion, and Kili found he had been right in guessing that Fili's lips would be soft.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter I'm thinking? Then an epilogue to tie it all together. I've been getting some good feedback which is wonderful, I'm glad this is being enjoyed (: a few more feels in this chapter, which I hope y'all like. Thanks for your support so far! <3

The silence that descended the next day was even worse than it had been during the beginning of their journey. No longer were they simply uncomfortable, now it was as if a thick fog had descended and settled over them, suffocating slowly, poisoning their minds and their blood. They had awoken, tangled around each other like weeds, their skin bare and their hair spread about them in halos. Their furs and cloaks covered them as make-shift blankets, keeping them warm and, when Kili first awoke, everything felt utterly peaceful. He had moved in closer, his fingers brushing against Fili's collarbone. Fili's eyes ad eventually fluttered open, unfocused, before they focused on Kili's. When Kili thought back to the moment, he fixated upon the details, trying to recognize what had gone wrong at what exact moment. Perhaps he should have smiled soon, or perhaps he should have spoken. But, when their eyes met, the cool detachment that Kili found in Fili's eyes was like a shock of frigid water on his skin, and Kili felt himself curl awake, wishing he could make himself smaller, so that perhaps Fili wouldn't look at him as if he was a potential threat. 

No words passed between them, not as they donned their smallclothes, nor when Fili indicated without eye contact that Kili should take the pony that morning, nor when they stopped for their midday meal did they speak. Every so often, Kili would feel as if he was about to burst, as if he needed to end the silence, else he'd drown in it, but his lips refused to part, and no words hung to his tongue nor stayed in his mind for longer than a few seconds. He was afraid - terrified even. _Lion-hearted_ , Thorin had called him. He was no lion, nor was he a wolf. He was a defenceless little rabbit, lost and confused, and so painfully far from home. Kili found himself wishing he was back in the Blue Mountains, in his quaint little chambers, curled up with some ancient tome, or sparring in the yard with some village lad. Despite how sorry he had felt for himself back then, he would have given anything to have it all back. He had learned in the most brutal way that the only thing worse than being alone was having had the promise of connection, only to have it torn away as if it was nothing more than a brittle autumn leaf. 

That night, their bedrolls were positioned on either side of their dying campfire, as far apart from each other as they could be without being blatantly rude. Kili could not even think to sleep; his body was still and his eyes closed, but his mind was alive, replaying the night previous, wondering if perhaps it had only taken place inside of his mind, although the scratch marks on his chest dictated otherwise. The fire was only embers when he heard Fili stir. For a moment, Kili's eyes snapped open instinctually, but he shut them right away when he hard the crack of a nearby twig, which announced the approaching footsteps. "Oh, Kili," Fili's voice was barely a whisper, not meant for Kili's ears. "What am I to do with you?" Kili heard Fili seat himself with a huff next to him, and it took all of Kili's will power not to jump when a hand came to his cheek, brushing hair back behind his ear. 

"You know," Fili began, and Kili stilled completely, knowing that Fili spoke only because he believed Kili to be asleep. "You're so naïve, little one. I admit, I've seen little more of the world than you, but you only trust just that - what you see. You saw a brother too arrogant to take care of you. You never stopped to think that perhaps I simply didn't want you to be bored and trapped by the monotonous studies I had to suffer through. You were the child who always had a black eye and two scraped knees from chasing birds up trees - you were free, and lively, and I didn't want to rob you of this. I thought I could learn my duties, and you would find other kindred spirits with which to go on adventures. I was never secure enough in myself to expect that you genuinely needed me. Forgive me, but I thought you simply wanted attention. And, now, I'm afraid that I've taken away that part of you that was so perfectly alive." 

Fili paused, and Kili opened his eyes. Fili was on his other side, playing with a loose lock of Kili's hair. After a moment, Fili began to speak again. "And today... I don't know what you saw. I never know what you see until one of your rages takes hold of you, and I find out too late. I'm afraid for you, Kili. I never stopped loving you. Not for a second. And all I want is for you to know that, to truly know in your heart that I love you for all your moods and your rude outbursts, for your messiness, and your somewhat Elven looks, though I'll pretend for your sake that they aren't noticeable, and for your astonishing smile, and for your heart." 

"If you love me as you say you do, then why did you look at me like I was worthless when you first looked upon me this morning?" All the silence of the day was broken sharply as Kili spoke, his voice thick from disuse and tiredness. Fili's hand in his hair stiffened, and Kili rolled over to face him, pulling himself up to a seated position, meeting Fili's gaze. Fili looked more annoyed than anything. 

"Me, look at you? I woke up and you recoiled from me as if I disgusted you!" Fili said, moving his hand back to his lap. 

"Because you were looking at me oddly!" Kili snapped, defensive. 

A moment of silence passed between them, before Fili begun to laugh, his eyes crinkling softly. Kili's expression flashed to pure confusion, then alarm, when Fili reached over and pulled Kili's torso to him, awkwardly attempting an embrace from the side. "I didn't mean to give you an odd look. I had just woken - I probably couldn't even recall my own name in that moment." Kili felt his cheeks flush, but he didn't fight Fili's hold. "I meant you no harm. I had thought that you saw me ad was horrified that you had made love to your brother, and I didn't wish for you to have to acknowledge that any further. 

"I thought the same," Kili admitted sheepishly, a hand raising to grip the arm that was slung around his abdomen. Fili's laugh rumbled against Kili's shoulder. 

"You're a little ridiculous sometimes, you know," Fili pressed a kiss to Kili's temple, and warmth spread through Kili's veins from the point of contact in a steady fall. 

"I'm not ridiculous!" Kili retorted indignantly, "You just have a mean face." Fili's chuckle darkened the already present colour in Kili's cheeks. "I meant that your face often... goes into... a position..." Kili trailed off as he realized that there was no way to make his comment seem any less childish. 

When silence descended again, it was comfortable, permeated by the sound of their breathing, and Fili's fingers slipping through Kili's hair carefully. "Did you really mean what you said?" Kili blurted out, turning his head to look up at Fili. Fili gave Kili a comforting smile, his eyes softening at the desperation evident in Kili's gaze. 

"Everything and more. I lost my brother too, as he grew bitter and withdrew from me. It was my fault, I know that, but I never wanted you gone from my life." Fili's hand stilled for a moment. "When I reached out for you, you would recoil, as you did this morning, as if I meant to trick you or hurt you. I never did." 

Kili's gaze dropped; his stomach felt cold from the weight of guilt. Fili was right - Kili had always known that Fili had tried many times to rebuild their relationship, but Kili's stubbornness had interfered time and time again. "I was an ass, I know. I hope you can forgive me." 

"I never felt that there was anything to forgive." Fili said, his hand releasing Kili's hair to rest under his chin, tilting it up ever so slightly so that their eyes could meet. 

This time, when their lips met, there was nothing feral about it; their heads were positioned just so, and the angle made them crane their necks awkwardly, and the kiss came out sloppy and uncoordinated. Fili's mouth turned up as he chuckled at the uncomfortable nature of their positioning, and Kili too grinned into the kiss, pulling away, his cheeks a touch pink. "We should try that again, just more... facing each other." Kili laughed, breathless and flustered. 

"Yes, please," Fili said, and Kili moved, turning to face him. He sat on his knees at first, but their legs knocked together and they laughed again, both nervous to admit being nervous. "Why don't you just - my lap..." Fili shifted his legs o rest in front of him, and Kili nodded, moving to sit in his lap, his legs straddling Fili's waist.

"I'm so much taller than you now," Kili commented quietly, if only so he would have something to say, grinning as he leaned down, his back curling as he pressed his lips to Fili's. Kili's hair fell down around Fili's face in a dark curtain, as his hands came to clutch the back of Fili's neck, his fingers tangling in the mess of braids and loose hair that fell down along past Fili's shoulders. Kili felt Fili's hands clutch at his waist, fingers tight even through the layers of clothing that separated them. 

Fili pulled back first, taking a second to catch his breath. Their foreheads rested together and their noses bumped, which brought a smile to Kili's lips. he opened his eyes and traced the line of Fii's lips with his eyes as they stayed suspended in the moment, exchanging breaths in the cool overhanging midnight. 

"In two days time, we will have reached The Shire," Kili spoke softly, his hand moving to brush back a few stray locks behind Fili's ear. 

"And we'll have to pretend as if nothing happened. We'll need to focus on the task at hand. Thorin's counting on us, and if we lose that focus..." Fili's eyes flicked open and fixed upon Kili's. "We could lose each other." 

"I can't just forget-" 

"No one's forgetting anything, not ever." Fili shook his head, his tone full of conviction. 

"Then how do we simply go on?" Kili's thumb ran along Fili's cheekbone. "How do I pretend that you don't love me, that you aren't special to me, that you..." He trailed off aimlessly, shaking his head ever so slightly. 

"You just have to stay fixated upon the quest, not upon me. you need to keep yourself safe." Fili gripped Kili's upper arm in a stern grasp. "That's your priority." 

"But your own safety isn't _your_ primary concern." It wasn't a question, and Fili knew it just as well as Kili did. 

"Ever since you were born, I promised myself I would protect you." Fili's gaze wavered for a second. "I'm aware that I haven't always done the best job of this, but I can change that. I just want to see you safe and happy." 

"My sword and shield." Kili mumbled, more to himself than to Fili. 

"I'll be whatever you need me to be." Fili smiled softly, before pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Kili's lips. 

"I just need you to be here with me." 

"I promise." And once more thier lips met, but this time sweetly, each relishing in the warmth and comfort of the other's touch. 

"We should sleep. We have a long ride ahead of us." Kili smiled as he pulled back, sliding from his position on Fili's lap back to his bedroll. 

"Mak room for me." Fili gave Kili a cheeky grin, and Kili stuck out his tongue in response. "Fine, I suppose I'll sleep alone and you'll be all cold." Fili let out a melodramatic sigh and moved to stand. 

"Oh, shut up, you." Kili grumbled, but made room for Fili nonetheless. 

When they lay tangled together, eyes at a drowsy half-mast, Kili spoke once more. "Do you think we'll succeed? That we'll take Erebor once more?" 

"I don't know," Fili answered honestly. "But what I do know is that if we fail, I need nothing more in my life, as I know that you know in your heart that I love you."


	8. Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so the last chapter was basically the end of the fic. This is just an epilogue to tie everything together. Please note, this goes off of the beaten canon trail, because let's be honest, I don't like it when characters have to die. So yes. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this story and I already have ideas for a few more in my head.
> 
> Cheers!

Ten years had passed with the brevity of a soft breath. Thorin had fallen in the battle, but his heirs had lived on, beaten and battered, but their backs stayed straight and their swords never wavered when the time came. Fili's coronation had been darkened by the grand funeral for Thorin the evening present, but time passed, and slowly the world moved on. Reconstruction on the halls of Erebor was the first priority, and soon the attention turned there, and, though Thorin was not forgotten, the pain of his passing moved to the back of their minds, as Fili worked tirelessly to reclaim the life his uncle had dreamed of. And Kili learned the hard way that training armies and aligning guards was a more trying task than he had first anticipated. As Fili had promised, Kili rose to the position of Captain of the Guard, along with assisting Fili on nearly every matter of state that arose. Despite his seeming self confidence, Fili needed the constant reassurance his brother offered that he was making the right decision. Within two years, life had found its new pattern and rhythm, and by ten years, it was almost as if Erebor had never been lost at all. 

But the company remembered. Fili and Kili remembered the pain of losing Thorin as if it were happening every second of every day, and, even as they buried it as they did, it always found a way to claw its way to the surface. Some days were worse than others. It was like the ebb and flow of the tide - on certain nights, Fili would wake up from a nightmare and curl into the brother that lay next to him, burying his face in his hair, and clutching at his chest with such desperation that his whole body trembled. Other nights, it was almost as if nothing had ever happened, and they could fall into bed with a matching mischievous grin on their lips, and their lovemaking would last until the moon started to sink in the sky. 

Darkness was still slung across the room in swaths of midnight blues and grey shadows, but their eyes were open on this midsummer's early morning, gazing up at the ceiling as if it held endless possibilities. Kili's head rested upon Fili's chest, raising and dropping with every breath he took. The scars that had been left by the Warg still marred his skin, but they were just that now - scars. To Kili, they were a memory of what terror felt like, the same terror he had felt when he saw Thorin's corpse for the first time. To Fili, they were a memory of guilt, of watching his brother panic and fight for him when he was utterly helpless, and utterly undeserving of Kili's determination. 

Fili's hand brushed through Kili's hair gently and absentmindedly, as they both gazed up in an unfocused manner. Their breathing slowly returned to a normal pace, and their thoughts wandered in silence, until finally Fili spoke, his voice soft and low. "Are you happy here? In Erebor?" Fili shifted, pulling himself up onto a pile of pillows so that he could see Kili's eyes when he replied. Kili took the moment of shifting to readjust himself in turn, and gather his thoughts. 

"Of course I'm happy, Fili, though I cannot say it pleases me to remember what we have sacrificed to get here." Kili said slowly, and he felt Fili's arm snake around his shoulders, his hand resting upon Kili's upper arm. Fili nodded softly, his other hand coming to rest upon Kili's jaw, his thumb brushing over Kili's lips. 

"Would you rather we had remained in the Blue Mountains? If we had never come, then maybe-" Kili cut Fili off before he could finish. 

"Your doubts will destroy you, my love." Kili gently kissed Fili's thumb, his voice barely a murmur, but loud enough that Fili could distinguish the words. "If we had remained, Thorin would have still gone on this quest, and perhaps would have perished without us. We cannot change the past, Fili, we can only move on and try to build a better future." 

"You're most likely right, as per usual." Fili let out a fond sigh, the backs of his fingers brushing Kili's cheek bone. "But I cannot help but think - if we had not agreed, perhaps we could have talked Thorin out of it, and-" 

"This quest gave him a purpose. It gave his life a reason. Without the thought of returning to Erebor, he had nothing." Kili looked up at Fili with an upward tilt to his brows. "Had we dissuaded him, it would have haunted him until he was nothing left but a shell, a shadow. At least, this way, he died fighting for what he believed in. It's a fate that not many of us will have the privilege of. He died a warrior's death. A hero's death. He would not have wanted it any other way. And we achieved what he set out - we built his people - our people - a good life in Erebor, as good a life as anyone can have." 

"We had a good life in the Blue Mountains-" 

"No." Kili shook his head, his throat becoming oddly dry, "Perhaps you did, but I did not. I know what it's like to live without a purpose, Fili. That's what I was doing. This quest gave me a purpose, too." 

"And what's that?" The raise in pitch in Fili's voice told Kili that Fili had an idea of what Kili meant, but insecurities chained him back to simple hope. 

"You, my love." Kili murmured, leaning up to press his lips to Fili's collar bone. "Protecting you. I could not live for myself so I live for you. I want nothing more than to see you happy, to see you successful and safe. Most of all, I want to see you happy with who you are." Kili said the last comment pointedly, and Fili's cheeks flushed. 

"I try," Fili said with a small sigh, "I really do try, despite how it may seem. I just... I need to express my doubts around you because I trust your judgements more than my own." 

"Well, you have to learn to trust your judgements equally as much as mine." Kili wriggled up enough so that he could fix a stray piece of Fili's hair, although he continued his preening more than needed. "Feigned arrogance is not enough, Fili. You are a good king. Your people love you. I love you. Unless we are all fools, there must be something in you worth our admiration." 

Fili's lips twitched up, but Kili could not tell if the smile was only for his sake, or if it was real. "You make most of the decisions, Kili. You should be the one with the crown upon your temples." 

"No, I simply tell you that you're making the right decision. And I don't want the crown." Kili shook his head, and sighed, resting his forehead against the side of Fili's head. "I've never wanted the crown." 

"What have you always wanted?" Fili asked gently. 

"All I've ever wanted was a place to belong. And I have it now." Kili pressed a kiss to Fili's cheek. "I have you. I have men in training in the army who respect me. I have food in my belly and a roof over my head - I could not ask for more." 

"Except to have Thorin back once more." Fili finished the thought, his voice barely a haunting echo. 

"No," Kili said after a moment, pulling back so he could look Fili in the eye. "If Thorin had survived, he would be crippled, not to mention the fact that he would have found something new to occupy himself. Thorin's life was complete - he died in peace. His time had come. As yours will one day, and mine as well. He did well to accept it as he did. As we one day must do." 

Fili listened to Kili in silence, before he bowed his head. "I cannot lose you." Fili's hand dropped down Kili's arm until it found his hand, and he linked their fingers together tightly. Fili's hands had grown soft from days of sitting behind a desk with a quill in hand rather than a sword, and, in turn, Kili's had done the opposite, becoming rough and callused. Fii's hands were still beautiful, though, and Kili still admired them when he stood next to the throne, pretending to be interested and listening to some peasant's quarrel over who an apple tree on the edge of property belonged to. 

"You will not lose me. But some day I will have to say goodbye, but we will be reunited, you know it as well as I." Kili said soothingly, and Fili's shoulders seemed to drop perceptibly. 

"Yes... Let's not talk of this, it's all too..." 

"Morbid." Kili finished, letting out a small sigh of relief. "Good, I was beginning to feel as if we might as well begin planning our funerals now, a hundred and fifty years in advance." 

Fili simply laughed, and pulled Kili tight to his chest once more. "We have many much more important things to plan first, anyways."

"Like what? The supply route through the valley pass?" Kili said with a grin, "Or maybe just breakfast tomorrow morning?" 

"A wedding, perhaps?" 

Kili's grin froze in place as if he had suddenly turned to stone. Fili felt his stomach drop, and Kili ran the words through his head ten times and ten times more. "A wedding?" He squeaked out. "You mean Ori and-" 

"No." Fili shook his head quickly, "I mean, obviously we don't have to if you don't feel comfortable..." 

"Wait, you mean with me?" Kili shook his head, still not entirely sure if he understood correctly.

"Yes, that was the initial idea, unless-" 

Kili fell face-first into his pillow, and he stayed there for a moment, his back shaking, and his hands gripping the sides of the pillow.

"Kili?" Fili inquired, concerned, and not entirely sure he had any idea what Kili was doing. Kili emerged a minute later, gulping deep breaths of air as he tried to calm himself, but a few giggles escaped his lips. 

"I thought... Because you're the king... and you need an heir... I thought there was a lady, and..." Kili shook his head and this time dived towards Fili, burying his face in his neck. "You're so silly, Fili." 

"Is that a yes?" Fili asked nervously, a hand coming to rest on Kili's back.

"Of course not." Kili pulled back and rolled his eyes. "Not that I don't want to. But... Political reasons, Fili. You're the king. You can't marry someone with whom you cannot produce an heir. Without your heir, the line of Durin dies. Well, your heir or mine, but we both know who's more likely to get inappropriately jealous." 

"You can't honestly think that you wouldn't get jealous. You'd get so moody you'd attract rainclouds over Erebor every day and night for a month." Fili said with a small sigh, deflating at the rejection. 

"Maybe." Kili admitted grudgingly, "But you're the king. You need some princesses and princes running around your feet. Please don't think I'm saying no because I don't want to." 

"No, I understand," Fili said with a small smile, "You always were the smarter one." 

"No, I just didn't rush into things." 

"You did when you were a child." 

"It's been a long time since we were children, Fili." 

"That it has," Fili let out a sigh, and sank back down onto the pillows, and once more, Kili's head found his chest. "You're still as fearless and loyal as ever." 

"And you're still an arrogant ass. But now I love you for it." Kili said, turning to kiss Fili's chest. Fili shook his head disbelievingly, and swatted playfully at the top of Kili's head. Kili whined and scrunched his nose in response to the playful hit. 

"Remind me again why I love you?" 

"I guilted you into it by saving your life, remember?" Kili chuckled, and Fili joined in. 

"Ah, that's right. My little wolf." Fili nuzzled the top of Kili's head.

"My king." Kili drew his head back and their eyes met, and, for a moment, the night was lit up with the heat of a thousand suns.


End file.
